Hugh Loebner's Signatures.

(Revised 16 June 2001)

Return to Hugh Loebner's Homepage

Having only one unvarying signature is so boring, don't you think? I fond it so much more amusing to have a "sig of the month." Naturally, the quotes that I used in my signature are mine. (Well, what do you expect from somebody whose telephone number used to be 1-500-EGO-TRIP? (until The Lying Rats at AT&T went back on their promise and took that number away from me) Here, with some annotations are the sig's that I have used in the past.

Current signature:
June 2000

The Great Chain of Influence:

If you can't change the group,
change the reference group

Past Signatures:

Hugh Loebner, Pres. Crown Industries, Inc. 155 N Park St., East Orange NJ 07017
Mfg. of Roll-Up Plastic Lighted Portable Disco Dance Floors
and Other Essential Products for Home and Industry
Crown Industries is *proud* to be a
Corporate Sponsor of The Loebner Prize for Artificial Intelligence

This was my very first sig. One of the reasons that I decided to sponsor the Loebner Prize in artificial intelligence was the fact that part of the funding came from the sale of roll-up lighted dance floors.

Aug. 95

My reaction to intelligence is the same as my reaction to pornography -- I can't define it but I like it when I see it.

This line was censored from my article in the Communications of the ACM. Strictly speaking, it's not true, since a Turing Test (which is what the Loebner Prize is) is supposed to be an operational definition of intelligence. There was a minor flurry on regarding the sig. I was told that some people found it demeaning, but nobody could tell me who was demeaned.

Sept. 95

Society is chaotic, and I'm just a social butterfly.

Chaos theory posits that there are systems wherein a very  minor change in an initial condition can make a very  large change later on. For example, some weather systems are so sensitive that the way a butterfly flapped its wings in, say, New York could determine the weather in Paris a week later. I believe that society is equally "chaotic. "The large response to the relatively minor input in establishing the Loebner Prize (literally world wide interest) tends to confirm this.

Oct 95

Loebner's Corollary to Asimov's Laws of Robotics: "Humans are Gods"

Isaac Asimov  proposed three laws of robotics. They are:

  1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
  2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

From Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 AD, as quoted in I, Robot.

I suggest that we teach our "intelligent" robotic creations that we are gods. Wouldn't you like to be a god?

Nov. 95

Liberty was to have been the sweetest fruit of independence

This line is from my Manifesto of Sexual Freedom. The oppression directed against those choosing to indulge in commercial sex (such as me) has reduced the quality of my life greatly.

Dec 95

My investment strategy is simple: every penny in W, W& S
(Wine, Women, & Song)

As President of Crown Industries, I frequently get "cold calls "from stock brokers. I always tell them that I have the best investment in the world, "WW&S," which has the highest return and absolutely can not be beaten. I classify the callers into two groups, those intelligent enough to be curious as to what is the "best investment in the world's nd those so stupid as not to wonder what might be available.

Jan 96

Why is the roller coaster better than mag-lev ?
Ball bearings are good enough.

Score: One point for every reason.

Remember that things in motion continue in motion in motion unless acted on by an outside force. This is one of Newton's laws. What this means is that except for friction, it takes zero energy to move on a level plane.

This is Loebner's First Argument for the existence of God. I am an atheist, but if I were a believer, I would say that this fact is a gift from God. Ball bearings have a very low coefficient of friction. (The first lesson in roller-blading is how to stop.) If ball bearings had been invented before the steam engine, we would be living in a very different world.


(Web page with details is currently under construction)

Feb. 96

The swiftest route to freedom is through action, not words

The alternative, of course, is "The pen is mightier than the sword." However, it was not pens, but guns which stood up to Hitler and the Nazis in WWII, and it was the guns of the Union army that freed the slaves in the the South. However, it was the pen which wrote "Uncle Tom's Cabin" that galvanized the North to fight, and it was the pen that wrote "Mein Kampf" which brought Hitler fame, and hence to power.

Mar 96

Celibacy: Been there, done that, rather be dead

I was sexually abused as a child. My life was hell--I couldn't study, I was suicidal. I was a virgin until I was 22. The abuse was sexual deprivation. Of course, part of t he problem was my own shyness--you could say that to that extent it was a case of self-abuse.

Apr 96

Parsimony says: "Minimalism to the max."

My first oxymoronic signature.

Science is based on "Occam's Razor" (after William of Occam) who stated that entities ought not be multiplied beyond necessity. Always choose the simplest explanation that explains some phenomenon.

May 96

I think, therefore thought exists

Descartes assumed a little too much

Jun 96

Of all the vices, sloth is the most underrated.

There is a great deal to be said for sloth. If more people were slothful a great deal of the sorrow in the world could be avoided. It is too much effort for a truly slothful person to conduct a war, for example.

Jul. 96

What's wrong with residual growth hormones in meat?
I've always wanted to be 2 inches taller.

Aug. 96

Hugh Loebner, Utopian Engineer

Sept 96

Nature is not squeamish

Oct 96

I'm just a Turing wannabe

Nov 96

I take my whimsey seriously

Another oxymoronic signature. No person can go far wrong who chooses the path of whimsey.

Dec 96

"Forensic" analysis of scientific findings is foolish fiddle faddle.
Only replication counts.

The authenticity of the documents is meaningless. All that counts is the statement: my dataset X supports hypothesis Y. It then becomes incumbent on some hearer to confirm the assertion by replicating the study.

Suppose the hypothesis is false but authentic data supports the assertion based upon chance alone. Replication will reveal the falsity of the hypothesis, but "forensic" analysis will not.

Suppose the hypothesis is true, but the data are "cooked." Replication will support the hypothesis, but forensic analysis will disconfirm it.

What is required is that students of science learn that it is impossible to cheat in science. There is no way to alter the laws of nature to conform to a hypothesis, and that every assertion of causation will be tested independently.

Jan 97

Fame is symmetry breaking

This sig is a little cryptic. The notions of symmetry and symmetry breaking are two of the most powerful tools in physics. Consider magnetism and an iron sphere. The atoms of a non-magnetized sphere point in every direction. The sphere is symmetric in all directions, and turning the sphere does not make a difference. If the sphere becomes magnetized, the atoms all point in one direction. Symmetry has been broken. It now matters how the sphere points.

This is similar to a globe filled with water. The water molecules point every which way. Rotating the globe does not make a difference. When the water freezes it becomes ice, which is crystalline, and contains flaws. Now, rotating the globe does make a difference. The globe and H2O molecule is not the same in every direction. Symmetry is again broken.

Consider, now, "fame" on some dimension, say the fame associated with "sponsor of the first Turing Test." Before the Loebner Prize was established, no one filled this status or social "slot." Everyone was a possibility. If we think of people as little tops (similar to the iron atoms) pointing in the dimension "sponsor of the first Turing Test," they could be thought of as pointing in every direction. Once the Loebner Prize was established, only I filled that "slot" and so everyone "points" in the direction "Hugh Loebner." Symmetry has been broken.

Feb. 97

Every free political election is a societal IQ test

Mar 97

Perfect justice lives in the fact that self-abuse is perfect punishment

This is Loebner's Second Argument for the Existence of God. Perfect justice is  possible.

I mean truly self-injurious behavior, not masturbation, when I use the term "self-abuse." I believe that people should be punished for injuring themselves. It so happens that the "perfect" punishment is the damage they do to themselves. The punishment for smoking tobacco is the damage that smoking does to the body. The punishment for injecting heroin is the damage (if any) that the heroin does to the body. The greater the self-injury, the greater the (self-inflicted) punishment.

Apr 97

The keeper, not the kept, writes the rules;
The nature of the rules is the measure of the keeper.

Robin Head  is currently serving a ten year prison sentence in Texas for running an escort service. I wrote to Warden Ament, warden at her prison, asking what the rules were regarding sending books, etc. to Robin. Warden Ament replied that I could ask inmate Head for the answers.

May 97

Government is like salt.
Too much will kill you, but you can't live without it.

Until they came to their senses, I was (very briefly) under consideration by the Libertarian Party as their candidate for Mayor of New York. However, my reaction to government is not quite as negative as the party position.

June 97

I'm modest. Enough talk of me, let's discuss my medal.

Robert Moog, inventor of the Moog Synthesizer, suggested a better sig :
Enough of what I  think of my medal, what do you think of the Loebner Prize medal?

July 97

*True* Value is Utility Divided by Ubiquity

Aug. 97

The Moving Finger has already written;
The wise make the best of it.

The Rubayyat of Omar Khayyam  (trans. Edward FitzGerald,1859)  quatrain LX

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.

Sept. 97

Loebner's Valuation of Morality:

The Leaden Rule: Do unto others before they do unto you;
The Cupric Rule: Do unto others nothing;
The Silver Rule: Do unto others no harm;
The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you;
The Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them;
The Diamond  Rule: Do unto others as they have done unto you.

The Diamond Rule  is the "tit-for-tat" strategy, which, if not optimal, is close to it. The trouble with the Golden Rule is that it takes no account of the desires of the other. If I want a beautiful young lady to tie me up and ravish my body sexually, I am obligated  to do the same to her, whether she wants this or not. The Silver Rule  is a re-statement of part of the Hippocratic Oath. The Leaden Rule  permits the tit-for-tat strategy. To that extent it is not completely bad.

The science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke has as his aphorism:

Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do to you

Oct 97

When I think of how I want the Loebner Prize to be run after my death,
I remind myself only a fool believes he can rule from the grave.

Nov 97

When my opponents are inflated with humbuggery,
Logic is just the needle I need.

Dec 97

It is uncivilized to have to pay to pee.

The absence of public restrooms seems to be a vexing problem for civilization. The solution is simple. Enact a law to require that restaurants make their restrooms available to the public . One platform of my aborted mayoral candidacy was to enact the following law:

It shall be a condition for doing business as a restaurant in the City of New York that the establishment's restrooms be available to anyone whose dress and demeanor are in keeping with the ambiance of the establishment. As recompense, the restaurant shall be entitled to charge each diner $ .10 as a "prepaid facility usage fee."

There is a certain symmetry to my proposed law: Restaurants put food and drink into  people, therefore they should be responsible when they come out. The prepaid facility usage fee would be levied on each diner, not on the person desiring to use the restroom. The exact amount is negotiable. It should be enough to compensate the proprietor of the establishment for cleaning, sewer costs, etc., but not so large as to be burdensome. Bums would be excluded from most restaurants based on the "dress and demeanor" filter.

Jan 98

Doubt should be referential
- or should it?

I have my doubts about this one.

Feb 98

Giving Silver Gilt Medals and calling them "Gold" Medals
Is the Guilt of the IOC

The "Gold" Medals that are awarded at the Olympic games are silver, gold plated. Chapter 5, Rule 70, paragraph 2   reads emphasis added:

2 Medals and Diplomas

2.1 For the individual events, the first prize shall be a silver gilt medal and a diploma, the second prize a silver medal and a diploma,....

2.2 The medals shall be at least 60 mm in diameter and 3 mm thick. The medals for first and second places shall be of silver of at least 925-1000 grade; the medal for first place shall be gilded with at least 6g of pure gold.

This is more than outrageous, it is fraud. I calculate that it would cost about 7 million dollars to provide gold medals for the summer and winter games combined. Note, I was quoted a price of about $7,000 dollars to strike multiple 24 carat gold medals. There can not be many more than 1000 gold medals given out (including multiple medals for team sports). One thousand medals times $7,000 dollars results in 7 million dollars. According to Business Week Magazine the Olympics have revenues of One Billion dollars a year!

Mar 98


As someone (Karl Marx?) wrote, history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce. This sig is old wine bottled in the briefest bottle.

Apr 98

Twixt Reality and Utopia Lies Opportunity

Another of my sig from my "twixted" mind.

May 98

My 1998 New Year's Resolution:
Become known as "The man who restored integrity to the Olympics."

I made this resolution after I learned of the fact that the Olympic First Place medals are merely gold plated. Little did I realize how little sleazy the Olympics actually are.

June 98

An Olympic Athlete's (Future Conditional) Pact
I <name>, an Olympic Athlete
(Would) join with my fellow Olympians in Unanimous Compact
To withhold my participation in the Olympic Games,
While we are promised Gold but only given Gilt


  1. Consider the pledge from the view point of any given Olympian athlete. The pledge is a *future conditional*, the athlete makes no commitment unless the compact is unanimous, and until it is unanimous s/he takes no actions.
  2. Indeed, suppose that all athletes but the athlete in question take the pledge. Would that athlete *really* want to be the *only* one not agreeing?

When it becomes unanimous, then the words enclosed in parentheses are removed and it becomes "An Olympian's Athletes Pledge"

July 98

My Olympic Allegiance:

The Athlete's Advocate
Not the Committee's Apologist

August 98

Incompetence filtered by Paranoia appears Malevolence

Sept 98

A favorite dream:
Hugh Loebner : Australia :: Jerry Lewis : France

The 1998 and 1999 Loebner Prize was held in Australia under the auspices of Flinders University of South Australia. It made something of a splash, and I was written up in the Australian, the national newspaper.

Oct 98

For me there is no conflict between Science and Religion
Science *is* my religion

Nov 98

It is never a done deal until it is done

Dec 98

Knowledge lies twixt Convenience and Ignorance
Convenience is the birth of Emergence
Ignorance is the death of Reduction

My second "twixted" sig. This is a bit deep.

Emergentism is the philosophical outlook that certain phenomena, such as "life" emerge from more basic phenomena and can not be explained only by the more basic phenomena.

Reductionism is the philosophical outlook that explains phenomena based on more general, basic phenomena, e.g. explaining life as a result only of chemical reactions.

Jan 99

It is often easier to say "No" than "No more"

Feb. 99

Lady Di was not killed by a land mine

The Lady Di was killed by an automobile, "death's chariot."

Mar 99

I went head to head with Minsky and won

Check out the Minsky thread on the Loebner Prize page.

Apr 99

No Lie is fit to print

True or False? What do you think?

May 99

Those who can not remember the past
Are not doomed to dwell on the past

When one considers the recurrent wars in the Balkans, the Middle East, Ireland, etc. one learns to appreciate the virtue of amnesia.

June 99

True of False?
"All the news is fit to print"

I think that Nazi propaganda chief J Goebbels would have had no problem with New York Times' motto: "All the news that's fit to print." Consider, e.g., a news article that Jews and Gypsies were the genetic equals of aryans. Goebbels would have had no problem killing the story, muttering: "That news is not fit to print."

July 1999

Mendacity in the media burns me up –
That's why I sponsor the "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire Award"

August 1999

Without the athletes
The Olympics would be impossible

Without the I.O.C.
The Olympics would be improved

It is so easy to mock the IOC, but after all, they are so wrong.

September 1999

Truth in URLs

October 1999

If the NY Times would print lies about the Olympic medal
Would the NY Times print lies about me?

November 1999

When constructing an Aphorism
Alliteration is Always An Attactive Alternative

I like this sig a lot. I considered adding: .... An Attractive And Appealing .... but decided in favor of brevity.

December 1999

The Gold Medal I give is 18 carat
The “Gold” Medal they give is gold-plate

What does that tell you?

January 2000 No sig. A month's vacation every millennium

February 2000

True of False?
Anthroporphization is synesthesia

March 2000

Brevity is not the sole Soul of Wit,
Alliteration is Always An Attractive Alternative

An alternative to 11/99 and I think superior.

April 2000

Giving Gilt Medals and calling them "Gold"
Is not Sterling.

May 2000

This sig's a gem:

Giving Gilt Medals and calling them "Gold"
Is not Sterling.